Take a listen to it now.

It’s a controversial topic among horror fans. I tend to agree with most of what the author says about the use and misuse of digital effects. Where do you weigh in? Was he too tough on modern horror using digital effects?

He did make a comment that I can’t completely agree with, however. He says that “modern US horror cinema is defined by lazy cash-ins, spin-offs and other defilements of legendary films.” Lazy cash-ins and spin-offs: yes. Defilements of legendary films: get over your hatred of remakes because of the alleged untouchable holiness of the originals. I’m tired of hearing this kind of argument.

Just had to put that out there.

“Modern horror: Lay off the CGI and bring back prosthetics”

No joke. While it’s basically a marketing ploy for the increasing number of zombie movie fans (and those convinced that the zombie uprising could actually happen), the bullets are live ammo, ready for use in a variety of firearms.

If you read to the end of the article, they mention that bullets intended to be fired on zombies causes a concern for people dressed in zombie costumes. I could totally see something very bad happening as a result.

Read the article at BlueRidgeNow.com»

As you know, I’ve been a contributor on the wildly successful Weekly Horror Movie Podcast over at the Horror Palace. We just released episode 14, which includes a mighty battle over the original The Last House on the Left, and also a surprising announcement: Jay of the Dead, the current host, is leaving the podcast because of unrelated circumstances.

Before making this announcement, I was approached and asked to take over the show’s responsibilities, and I accepted. Episode 15 has been recorded, and will be posted this Sunday.

I’m honored to be overseeing this fine podcast, and am excited to keep things rolling with Terror Tovey, Doctor Shock and Billchete.

What do you think? Obviously, you’re wrong if you disagree.

Read the press release (PDF, 619Kb)

I’ve been podcasting again. It’s an addiction that one doesn’t easily shake.

Since the demise of the Horror Jungle, I’ve been podcasting with a group of men that I love more than life itself. BillChete, Doc Shock, Terror Tovey, and Jay of the Dead are my fellow critics on The Weekly Horror Podcast. Each week we assign movies to each other to watch and critique, and our diverse backgrounds and tastes in horror makes for some great discussion (and arguments).

It’s part of the Horror Palace network, where many other wonderful horror podcasts reside.

And stay tuned for exciting announcements regarding the podcast! You’ll giggle like a little schoolgirl.

But before I start, I have a couple comments. First of all, I’ve never seen a truly bad movie at this festival. Sure, there were some I didn’t care for, but the quality is consistently excellent in the films chosen. Secondly, I was very tired the day I went. This definitely affected my experience of the features, since they were obviously longer.

Worm

UK | Directed by Ray Vernava | 11min

Very weird, very cool! It’s a surrreal fantasy horror piece . . . or something like that. This one is hard to explain, but well worth the watch. Watch the trailer.

Dead Friends

Canada | Directed by Stephen Martin | 11min

An original tale, for sure. I didn’t care for the makeup, but it involves a zombie (always a plus in my book) and some fun humor. Watch the trailer.

The Corridor

Canada | Directed by Evan Kelly | 99min

My first feature-length film of the day was a good one. It was a strange supernatural tale that for some reason kept reminding me of The Shining. But I kept falling asleep during this one — I’m not sure whether it was the movie, or my severe lack of sleep that caused this. I think I needed to pay more attention than I did to really get this movie. Watch the trailer.

Bad Moon Rising

Australia | Directed by Scott Hamilton | 8min

Awesome werewolf short, complete with a sweet transformation scene that reminded me of An American Werewolf in London. You gotta watch this 1-minute excerpt.

St. Christophorus: Roadkill

Germany | Directed by Gregor Erler | 26min

A faced-paced thriller about a guy who endures an extreme amount of pain after witnessing an accident on the road. I loved this one. Check out the official website, where you can watch the trailer (among other things).

Donner Pass

USA | Directed by Elise Robertson | 86min

I love a good cannibal movie, and this made me happy. It’s all based on the Donner Party, and the legends surrounding it. Great production value: acting, violence and gore effects were wonderful. Watch the trailer.

Mea Maxima Culpa

Canada | Directed by Eric Spoeth | 25min

Black and white and based on Poe’s The Tell-Tale Heart, this short was very enjoyable. Good acting, and good expansion on the original story. Watch the trailer.

Augenblicke

Germany | Directed by Martin Bargiel | 19min

I think I was too tired for this one, as it was really surreal, having to do with blurring the edges of the real and the imagined. Too much for my tired mind to wrap around. I’m sure it was good. Watch the trailer.

The Black Box

USA | Directed by Jason Balas | 81min

I think I was so confused after Augenblicke that the disorientation spilled over into this movie. I guess it’s a post-apocalyptic, futuristic kind of thing, but I really have no idea. I need to try to watch this one again. Watch the trailer, and look for links on that page for other trailers for this movie.

The Living Want Me Dead

USA | Directed by Bill Palmer | 23min

This was my favorite short of the whole day! A man subjects himself to scientific tests for money, and consequently develops a condition in which he gives off a pheromone that causes people to turn into bloodthirsty killers. Brilliant and extremely enjoyable. Bravo! Watch the first scene and sneak peek.

The Millennium Bug

USA | Directed by Kenneth Cran | 98min

My favorite feature of the day! I was pleasantly surprised by this, as I had no idea what it was about. It’s New Years Eve 1999, and a family is headed into the mountains for a holiday getaway. They encounter inbred hillbillies, a cryptozoologist and an enormous creature that surfaces once every thousand years. All practical effects (“No CGI” was actually the movie’s mantra), which was pulled off masterfully. I liked this movie so much that I went out and bought it on DVD immediately, getting to meet the director. What a way to end the day! Go to the official website to watch the trailer and order your own DVD.

Take this post, for example. It’s new content.

However, that is not the end of my zombie movie reviews and recommendations. I will regularly post to this website, and I also have another podcasting project or two in the making. Keep checking back! Things are very exciting.

Please visit and support my former Horror Jungle co-hosts. They are truly wonderful and talented people. This is their information, which I stole from the Horror Jungle site

BillChete

• Horror Jungle Website
• Email

Boss Butcher

• The Bosses Fan Website
• Twitter
• Email

Dr. Shock

• DVD Infatuation Website
• Twitter
• Email

Joe Mummy

• Christiana Productions Website
• Facebook
• YouTube
• Email

HellHunter

• Blogger Fan Website
• Twitter
• Email

Bloody Lizzy

• Platypi Studio Website
• DeviantART
• Etsy
• Email

KC Canton

• DownRight Creepy Website
• iTunes
• Facebook
• Email

It’s an imaginative title, I know. On August 1, 2011, the UK will see the DVD release of Cowboys & Zombies, previously released here in the States under the title of The Dead and the Damned.

I was excited about this. The combination of zombies and the Western genre has been pretty successful, with games like Red Dead Redemption: Undead Nightmare and books like Eric S. Brown’s How the West Went to Hell. I had high hopes for this independent effort, written and directed by Rene Perez and starring David Lockhart, Camille Montgomery, Rick Mora, and Robert Amstler.

The movie opens with a pretty decent gunfight, but really drops off from there. A bounty hunter is strapped for cash, and goes after a notorious Indian who is wanted for rape and murder. The citizens of the old Western town find a strange glowing-green meteorite and open it up, releasing CG radiation and turning them all into angry, fast zombies. And you can pretty much figure out where it goes from there.

My two biggest problems with this were the lack of originality — there’s really no guesswork here — and the dragging plot. I thought of Creepshow as soon as I saw the meteorite sequence — the Stephen King meteorite segment. And there are just so many traveling sequences. You see a lot of walking around. I almost fell asleep during the drawn-out, actionless dialogue scene between the bounty hunter and the Indian.

Not to mention the blatant CG that plagues the film. I already mentioned the radiation being computer-generated, but a lot of the blood is unquestionably CG and sticks out badly.

I might as well add that I had a problem with the lead actor as well — David Lockhart has the bounty hunter. He comes across as neither rugged nor tough, and his soft, high-pitched voice doesn’t help.

But I will say that I enjoyed the look of the zombies. I loved the sequence inside the house when the blind zombie is stalking the girl. The makeup was done very well, and the scene was pretty well done, even if there were some things about it that didn’t make much sense.

Yeah, I was disappointed by this one. Lots of promise, with little delivery. I give it a 3/10.

Watch the trailer, then browse through the pictures below.

On episode 1, I recommended the classic Let Sleeping Corpses Lie (1974). I then recommended Dance of the Dead (2008) on episode 2, and on episode 3 recommended Boy Eats Girl (2006).

Agree? Disagree? Don’t care? Post a comment and let me know.

Thank you all for listening and coming to my site. I truly appreciate everyone.

This movie has a very Saw vibe. Four women wake up in an underground cell, remembering nothing. They are drugged and subjected to a series of horrifying experiments. On top of this, the women are visited one at a time by the killer Surgeon, who cuts a number into each woman’s skin — the exact time that he’s coming back to kill them. The movie takes a number of unexpected twists and turns, leading to an ending that is truly surprising.

I have to say that I’m amazed at what the filmmakers did with a very low budget, especially in the effects department. There is lots of blood and gore, the vast majority of it being practical (not CG). I only saw a couple quick CG enhancements to the effects, and they did not detract from the scene at all. It all plays into the psychological nature of the movie — they’re messing with the actors’ (and the viewers’) heads, leaving everyone to try to figure out what is really going on.

It’s also very good on a technical level. A lot of careful attention was paid to camera placement and movement, and stylized, creative lighting was utilized to the fullest extent. It’s all edited together very well — even though it’s a longer movie, the pacing is very good and never left me bored or over-stimulated.

The acting is pretty much what you’d expect from a micro-budget film. A couple of the characters are done well, while most are mediocre at best. But they weren’t helped by the fact that there wasn’t much character development — I really didn’t care for any of them that much. Most of the movie is focused on the psychological horror of the situation, not on growing deeper with the characters.

A few specific problems I had:

• I just didn’t get the killer Surgeon. Why was he there? Several things didn’t make much sense to me.
• After the experiments and subsequent questioning, the women were given the chance to ask the doctor one question. Why didn’t they ask what was going on? They never thought of that until the end.
• The main character was awfully calm upon discovering the Lovecraftian tentacle bug monster. She was even clearheaded enough to use the creature to her advantage. I think that any normal person would have crapped their pants and collapsed in a sobbing heap. Or maybe that would just be me.

All in all, this was a very interesting movie to watch. It’s a Saw-like psychological horror film, lacking the fine polish of a big-budget film, but still delivering some nice gore and unexpected twists.

Thanks to my friends at Organic Marketing for sending this!

BONUS!

An exclusive still photo from the film!

Sounds easy.

I’m vlogging about it on Youtube, and the introductory clip was just posted today. Have a look . . . buy the ticket . . . take the ride.

This is a song about Susan. I originally wrote it faster and heavier, but was never really happy with the arrangement and my vocals. It kinda sucks. So I reworked the whole song, and even made a little video to go along with it that follows the story.

I love this book. It’s a comprehensive, entertaining guide for zombie fighting, written in a military style. In this well-organized and well-written manual, Ma covers everything you need to know about fighting the living dead, complete with helpful illustrations and “Combat Reports” — interviews and accounts of encounters with zombies. It’s a great blend of straightforward instruction and short storytelling.

The first section covers the facts about zombies: what they are, what they aren’t, and how they function. I was particularly thrilled with the first misconception discussed: that zombies can run.

Next, the focus is turned to those fighting the zombies. Physical fitness, health and wellness are discussed in terms of zombie combat, so that those confronting the living dead can prepare as much as possible. A lot of time is spent on weapons of all kinds — traditional battle weapons, swords, knives, blades, clubs, etc. — as well as weapons that can be found in certain settings: the farm, the garage, the kitchen, and more.

Ma brings it all together with the final section, Combat Strategies and Techniques. Your chances of success in a skirmish with the undead will soar as all kinds of techniques and situations are covered.

“For those who have never encountered a walking cadaver, the techniques described in this section may seem vicious, brutal, perhaps even excessive and gratuitous.”

Of course, the humor is implicit. The straightforward, deadpan delivery of the manual and conversational tones of the Combat Reports are inherently funny when the subject is zombies.

It’s a great read. Roger Ma’s zombie knowledge is unparallelled, and I can only hope to have him at my side during the next zombie outbreak. Go buy The Zombie Combat Manual right now.

Rating: 10/10

Bled White web site

The movie takes place after the zombie apocalypse has struck, and what’s left of society is reordering itself to deal with the flesh-hungry “zombies.” People are doing whatever it takes to survive, and we follow several plot lines that intertwine. We follow two hit men, a family, and a couple running a hotel. The scenes aren’t necessarily chronological, creating a darker kind of Pulp Fiction feel. Things happen at the beginning of the movie that don’t quite make sense until it’s connected to something else later on.

The filmmakers explore some interesting territory and have come up with some original ideas — a big plus in my book. We see the conflict between those who believe in “killing” the zombies and those who want to them” live” in hopes of a cure being discovered. Themes of cannibalism, cheating, and survival vs. killing are also in the mix.

The characters are pretty nicely developed, and the actors perform much better than I was hoping for. Some are excellent (the lead hit men), some are mediocre, but none are bad.

On a technical level, they did a great job with a low budget. The whole movie is high-contrast, allowing for a lot of lights and shadows. They managed to film the whole thing during the winter, something not often seen in zombie movies. It works really well. Overall, the shot selection and cinematography were well done. The suspense they’ve created is wonderful. The editing and pacing, along with the good score and sound effects, make for great atmosphere.

Now for the zombies. Even though they run, they look good: pale with lots of blood and light blue cloudy eyes. The makeup is good — they must have spent a fortune in blue contacts. Nothing looked fake. However, the zombies growl and roar and sound demonic — a little too over-the-top for me. This could have been just as scary (probably scarier) with slow zombies.

The effects were good, and they kept it mostly practical. They used some digital effects — fire, gunshot flares, clouds going over the moon, etc. — but they don’t overindulge in digital effects like a lot of low-budget movies tend to do.

All in all, this is a very good low-budget movie — fun and gory. Also a breath of fresh air in the over-saturated zombie movie market.

Rating: 7/10

Order your copy from CreateSpace or Amazon, or check out the official web site.

A special thanks to Jason from SRS Cinema for really hooking me up this weekend! It was great to meet and hang out with him.

Kyra Schon was the first guest I talked to, and she was really nice. She was selling really cool, high-contrast Karen Cooper  posters, and I couldn’t resist picking one up.

Howard Sherman played my favorite zombie: Bub from Day of the Dead (1985). Great guy!

Ian McCulloch was the lead actor in Zombie (1979), and is completely astonished by the popularity of the movie. One thing that surprised me about Mr. McCulloch is that he told me he’s never seen any of Romero’s zombie movies — he said he just doesn’t have the desire to. He also told me that he met Romero recently, and Romero refuses to watch Zombie (or any of its sequels) because he thinks they’re all ripoffs of his work.

Al Cliver played Brian in Zombie. I learned some fascinating things from Mr. Cliver — namely that Brian’s voice in Zombie is not his. All his lines were overdubbed, and he doesn’t know who did them. Also, I asked him what it was like to work with Lucio Fulci. He responded, “He was a son of a bitch.” He explained that despite Fulci’s reported temperament, they became good friends and made many films together.

You know who Ottaviano Dell’Acqua is, whether you realize it or not. He’s the iconic Conquistador zombie that appears on the majority of Zombie materials (including my shirt). He was a really fun guy, and very energetic.

I also talked with Richard Johnson, who was really cool. For some reason I didn’t think to snap a picture with him. I love his first line in Zombie: “The boat can leave now. Tell the crew.”

Beatrice Ring played the lead role in Zombi 3 (1988), and is every bit as beautiful as she was when she made the movie. Zombie 3 is notorious for the nightmarish production it went through — Lucio Fulci directed most of it, but later on, Bruno Mattei stepped in to finish it at the insistence of the studio. I asked Beatrice about how crazy the process was, and she said that it wasn’t as big a deal as everyone makes it out to be. She worked with Fulci the whole time, and wasn’t even aware of Mattei’s part in it. “It happens all the time, in lots of movies,” she explained when she talked about reshoots and studios bringing in a different director to finish a film.

When I was at Horror Realm last fall, I somehow missed speaking with Jim Krut, the helicopter zombie from Dawn of the Dead (1978). So I made sure that I got to meet him this time around, and I’m glad I did. He’s very tall, and fun to talk to.

Gary Ugarek is the creator of Deadlands: The Rising and Deadlands 2: Trapped, and was there to support Jim Krut, who also starred in Deadlands 2. I ended up talking to Gary for a long time, and he’s a really down-to-earth guy.

This is the second time I’ve met Tom Savini. I’m a huge fan of his work, and he’s truly a master of what he does. Despite that, I haven’t been very impressed with him personally. Both times I’ve talked to him, he seems annoyed that I’m there — it’s like he doesn’t want to be there at all. Disappointing.

It was a blast hanging out with Tom Berdinski and the cast/crew from The Italian Zombie Movie. Tom is a good friend, and I was excited to meet him and others whose passion went into these unforgettable films. They truly know how to have a good time. And if you haven’t seen parts 1 and 2 of The Italian Zombie Movie, you’re definitely missing out on something special — so go buy it!

Speaking of good friends, here’s one that you’ll all know — Misfitboy. He’s every bit as cool as he comes across in his reviews, and I was honored to hang out and have a few drinks with him and Mrs. Misfitboy.

This double 8-string electric guitar made specially for Saw V is a thing of beauty. It belongs to Sonny Lombardozzi, whose shredding skills are inhuman. He’s a really cool guy, and now that I’ve checked out his music, I’m a huge fan! Find out more about Sonny at his web site.

I almost had my jugular ripped out.

What happens at Cinema Wasteland stays at Cinema Wasteland.

Okay, enough history lessons — let’s get to the plot. By the way, the 3D version of Creature from the Black Lagoon is amazing if you can find it. It does have great underwater effects! A large explosion is seen as a narrator gives a short speech on earth. The film then shows a beach with strange footprints coming out of the water. The waves slowly wash over them, leaving the viewer the obvious question: what was it?

Meanwhile, scientists are digging into a wall of dirt and rock, uncovering an odd-looking skeletal hand. Later that night, two men are wakened in their tent by a monstrous shadow. The thing tears down the tent, slashes one man with a sharp claw, and kills both of them. The skeletal claw is sent to a lab so it can be determined what species it is from. Dr. Carl Maia, who discovered the hand, assembles a crew of scientists to find more fossils in the “black lagoon.” Among the crew are Dr. David Reed, Kay Laurence, Dr. Mark Williams and Dr. Edwin Thompson. They board the boat, the “Rita,” driven by Lucas, who tells them a tale of “gill-man,” a legendary creature who, millions of years ago, may have been a throwback to the human and amphibious race — a cross-breed, if you will. It is then we get our first glimpse of the creature, coming up from the lagoon to grab a large bird and pull it down to the deep lagoon.

It soon becomes apparent that the legend is real and two battles begin. One is for the capture of the creature for study purposes, or to let it stay in its natural environment. Second is the ever-famous battle for the love of a woman (Kay), which was common in these types of films. In a brilliant scene, Kay goes for a swim in the lagoon. The creature sees her and has never witnessed such beauty before, swimming inches away from her, slightly grazing her leg, wondering what she is. Kay panics and gets out of the water. The gill-man then begins his pursue of Kay by jumping onto the boat and causing chaos.

Eventually it is decided that the scientists will use rotenone (a drug that is used to capture fish). Then they put the creature in a cage, but unfortunately it doesn’t hold the beast for long. The creature breaks out and seriously injures Dr Thompson. Lucas thinks it’s time to leave the cursed lagoon, but cannot, because the creature has blocked off the only exit with giant logs. Williams decides to go underwater to try to remove the debris, but is confronted by the gill-man and is killed. Using the rotenone on the creature gives Dr. Reed enough time to remove the barricade created by the gill-man. Later that night, the gill-man comes on board, kidnapping Kay and taking her to his cave somewhere within the lagoon. Yes, its’ like King Kong underwater, but I’m fine with that! The rest of the team manages to find the gill-man’s subterranean lair, and after a brief fight the creature is shot and falls into the darkest depths of the lagoon.

This is without a doubt my favorite Universal monster film, and seeing it in the 3D form (the way it was introduced to American audiences) was amazing, especially the underwater shots! Ben Chapman, who played the creature, would have to hold his breath for over a minute in some scenes.

On a scale from 1-10, Creature from the Black Lagoon is a perfect 10! If you should happen to want to buy the movie, I would recommend the legacy collection. It comes with all three creature films, several documentaries, anda lot of other photos, trailers, etc. You can get it at Amazon.com for around $20 — a steal in my book.

Well, that’s it for this time around. Once again, thanks to Corey for allowing me to continue reviewing some of the drive-in classics! See you at the drive-ins! This is Misfit boy and I’m out!

I learned something funny from the girl who worked at Burger King on Clifton Hill, the main tourist drag leading to the falls. This was the coolest Burger King I’ve ever been to — nothing special about the inside, but the outside featured a giant Frankenstein monster clutching a burger.

Since American dollars and Canadian dollars are so close in value right now, it’s not really worth doing the currency exchange thing. Every place we spent money at in Canada accepted American dollars, and gave change in Canadian dollars. The girl who helped us at Burger King was thrilled when I happily accepted Canadian dollars as change. She told us that Americans get upset all the time about having to accept Canadian money, calling it “fake” or “monopoly money.” She seemed genuinely offended at this.

What I took away from my trip to Canada is this: you gotta respect their cash.

I saved my progress on the computer and went downstairs. Evening had already come, and I desperately wanted to focus on my work – I needed to get ahead so I could justify leaving town for a couple days to visit my brother in the next state.

I figured the cat had eaten something she shouldn’t have. A year ago, I brought a new plant to the house, unaware that it was poisonous to cats. She chewed on a stalk of it and spent the night at the animal hospital. All I could hope for this time was that she wouldn’t throw up on the carpet – that was horrible to clean up.

Rounding the corner to the kitchen, I stopped when I saw her white and gray stripes in the middle of the room. She buried her face in the rug under the table, her sides pumping in and out as her breathing accelerated.

Crouching down, I whistled to her. “Jasmine, come here girl.”

She took no notice, letting out another pitiful moan.

I whistled again with the same result. I moved closer to her, but hesitated – Jasmine could get downright vicious when feeling threatened, annoyed, or sick. One second she’d be purring on your lap, and the next she’d tear into your arm with her teeth. The scars on my hands were a testament to the battles we’d fought.

This was one of those situations: she didn’t want to be bothered. But I reached for her anyway, wanting to move her off of the rug. She spun around, baring her teeth in a wide-eyed hiss, the hair on her back standing on end. I flinched at the wild look – I’d never seen her that angry before.

That’s when I began to think I had lost my mind. Too much work that week; too many long days; not nearly enough sleep.

The cat grew. Jasmine had weighed a healthy ten pounds, but her size more than doubled right in front of me. Joints popped and bones adjusted to accommodate her new girth. Her ears grew longer, and two small bloody horns erupted from her forehead. New teeth pushed through her gums and her jaw expanded to accommodate them, creating a jagged smile. Another more menacing hiss escaped as her mouth opened wider.

Her toes cracked as giant claws grew into place, burrowing into the thick brown rug. Her tail lengthened, swatting the chairs from under the table.

Terror clutched me – it was hard to breathe. Jasmine’s eyes expanded, then went completely black: shark eyes. They were eyes that held nothing, pulling me in. My heart thumped and blood pounded into my head. I fought to take a breath, weakened at the sight of Jasmine’s transformation, all of which had happened within a few seconds.

She hunched down. I threw my arms up in front of me as Jasmine launched, baring her teeth and drawing up her claws. I ducked, swatting her to the side and somehow avoiding her swinging nails. The cat-thing sprang back to its feet and lay its ears back, arching its back for another attack.

On my hands and knees, I scooted around the island in the middle of the kitchen, out of Jasmine’s sight. Her claws clicked off the tile as she followed, her distorted shadow slinking along the tile. I suddenly jumped to my feet and ran. Jasmine hissed and spat.

She caught up with me on the stairs, slicing the back of my heel with her claw. I felt the blood trickling down my foot as I dived into my office, slamming the door behind me. Jasmine hit the door so hard that a tall lamp in the corner tipped over, knocking a picture off the wall. It snapped apart when it hit the floor, cracking the glass.

I cursed, locking the door and collapsing into the soft desk chair. In the darkness I noticed small dark blotches on the carpet – blood from my foot. The door thudded again and I flinched, shaking. Jasmine screeched, shaking the walls with every assault on the door.

The only escape was through the window. The desk blocked it, and I had to awkwardly bend over it to slide the glass up. A rush of frigid winter air smacked my face. As thud after booming thud began to crack the door, I worked the screen loose and shoved it out.

The second floor window was about twelve feet up from the snow-dusted ground. Only in my pajama pants, t-shirt and socks, I crawled over the desk, sending pens, paper, and folders all over the floor. I shifted around and stuck my feet out, desperately grasping for the edge as I slid through.

The door burst open and Jasmine howled, crashing into the room. My fingers slipped from the edge of the window and I fell, slamming to the frozen ground feet-first. My lower legs exploded with pain – there wasn’t enough snow on the ground to break the fall. Gritting my teeth, I rolled over and rose up onto my throbbing legs.

Voices. I couldn’t understand what they said, but they sounded like they came from the front of the neighbors’ house. I moved my stiffening legs as fast as I could, clenching my jaw as the pain welled up, hearing the clicking of the Jasmine-beast as she came to the open window above.

I didn’t look back, pushing off the corner of my house and hobbling over to the neighbors’. Rounding the front of the house, I stopped and breathed in relief when I saw them. Marcus and his wife Summer stood in their driveway, silhouetted by the single light fixture on the garage.

The pain was too much for me and my knees buckled. I groaned when my legs struck the hard turf, and I fell backwards into the drifted snow.

Marcus calmly made his way over to me. He crouched down.

Engulfed in pain, I thrust a hand to him, gasping for his help. He moved closer, bringing his face down to mine.

His features came into clear view, even in the darkness. Inches from me, he opened his mouth to reveal oozing, jagged teeth. Bones creaked as he smiled.

Seconds before I died, I caught a glimpse of his eyes – black shark eyes. They captured my gaze as Marcus slashed my throat with his thick, pointed nails. A jet of blood splashed onto his face, wrinkled and distorted from its former youthful appearance. Summer appeared as I blacked out, a lurking shadow behind Marcus. They tore into me.

So here is the plot. “For every action there is an equal and opposite re-action,” narrates the voice at the start of the film. A volcano erupts on a distant island and causes tremors across the North Pole, causing a giant glacier to crack and collapse, revealing our giant menace (yes, a giant insect in the North Pole — don’t ask, I don’t know either). OK, insert even more stock footage, and finally 15 or 16 minutes into the picture the film finally starts. On a small military station manned by two men, a distant buzzing sound is heard before the roof collapses on top of them. Meanwhile, Colonel Joe Parkman is worried that something is wrong with the station, so he sends out a search team. When they arrive they find the station is destroyed. A giant claw falls on top of them, nearly crushing the two searchers (he he, giant claw)! They take it back to the lab for investigation. After more [YAWN] chattering they finally figure out what it is! Yeah. They send out a plane to see if they can find it after it appears on the radar, and the plane never comes back. Surprise [insert more boring dialogue] and then the mantis finally strikes! OK, as if the poor Eskimos don’t have enough to deal with — polar bears, living in ice, gamera at one point (never vacation in the north pole) — the mantis attacks and the Eskimos flee.

The giant claw, as I referred to earlier, is actually a hook from the mantises giant pinchers. MORE DRAMA THAN THE MIDNIGHT PODCAST!!! Sorry Corey. Here comes the giant puppet! The mantis shows itself eventually right outside the base of Red Eagle One, as it’s referred to. Seeking a warmer climate, the mantis moves towards the USA. OK, enough already, the mantis tours Washington and New York, where it is rammed by Parkman and bails out of the plane at the last second — that was close! In the end, the mantis is trapped in a highway tunnel under the streets of New York!

Spoiler alert!! The mantis hides in the tunnels of New York, wounded and dying. Then the military comes in to gas the creature. The end.

On a scale from 1-10 I would give this a 4, BUT the MST3K version would be a 9! Go figure. Thanks Corey, and I’ll see you at the drive-ins for Creature from the Black Lagoon! This is misfit boy and I’m out!

http://dr-pus.podomatic.com/entry/2010-03-20T20_13_04-07_00

These were some of my favorites. Radiation played a big role in these films, along with atomic test sites. Now there is a documentary out there narrated by Billy Mummy called Attack of the 50 ft. Monster Mania — it’s an amazing doc. That goes through the years of giant bug and monster films.

Universal Pictures didn’t release this film on DVD until 2006. I, on the other hand, bought a laser disc transfer at a horror convention for $20 (pirates that sell copied movies should have their Achilles tendon cut and forced to run a marathon). But anyway, the actor that stars in this film is one of my all-time favorite actors, Mr. John Agar. He was in films such as The Mole People, Revenge of the Creature, The Brain from Planet Arous, and King Kong (1976) (he had a cameo as a city official), among many others.

Now, back in the 50’s, these types of films were popping up at drive-ins all across the country. Kids couldn’t get enough of them! I think the only bugs that were never made into monster movies were dung beetles and horse flies. I mean, Hollywood was pumping these films out left and right.

So here is the plot:

A man staggers through the Arizona desert until he collapses, and we see his face is deformed beyond recognition. The reason: 2 scientists have injected themselves with a growth serum that makes food grow twice its normal size for the growing number of people in the world. This experiment is being conducted by Professor Deemer a recluse who has decided to try his serum on lab animals (guinea pigs, lab mice, rabbits, and a TARANTULA). The animals are growing at an alarming rate. As he is working on his experiments, Paul (his other assistant) enters the room with a mangled face that only a mother could love, and injects Deemer with the serum. A fight ensues and a fire breaks out. Glass starts to shatter and the 3-foot tarantula escapes while Deemer puts out the fire. Deemer buries Paul in the desert and must find a replacement. Local authorities find the first assistant (Eric) and conclude that the cause of death is acromegaly,a rare disease. They ask Deemer if they can conduct an autopsy, and he declines. Dr. Matt Hastings (played by Agar) is upset by this, as the sheriff decided Deemer knows more about it than Matt. The next day Deemer invites a new assistant, Stephanie Clayton (or Steve as she is referred to), to work with him.

Meanwhile, the tarantula is loose and attacks a herd of horses. A car accident is discovered and the victims were devoured. Matt finds a pool of liquid by the remains and confirms it’s insect venom. As the film moves on, Matt and Steve begin a relationship as the tarantula is causing a deadly rampage across Arizona (the two drunks that get eaten by the tarantula is a classic 50’s death scene). Back at the lab, Steve has growing concerns about Deemer, who is beginning to deform also. He finally tells Matt and Steve what is going on and that the tarantula escaped.

Then, one evening as Steve is getting ready for bed, the tarantula (now the size of a house) is staring at her through the window! The tarantula destroys the house killing deemer but Matt shows up in time to save Steve. The tarantula moves into the small town and attacks. Machine guns and dynamite are ineffective, so it’s time to call the military.

SPOILER ALERT!

The military sends in fighter planes to drop napalm on the giant beast, and guess who the jet squadron leader is? Why, it’s none other than Mr. Gran Torino himself, Clint Eastwood! The napalm burns the tarantula and destroys it at the end, right before it enters the town.

I loved this film, and I would have to give it at least an 8 out of 10 for pure fun and enjoyment. If you like this one, you should also try Earth vs. the Spider — the MST3K version is hilarious!

Well that’s it for Tarantula! See you next time at the drive-ins! This is misfit boy and I’m out!

Here’s the plot:

Mitch MacAfee (played by Jeff Morrow, who stared in such epic films as The Creature Walks Among Us, Kronos, and This Island Earth — he came back to the horror genre in 1971 for Octaman) is running radar tests while flying his plane when he spots a UFO. Nothing shows up on the radar screen but the military sends out a squadron of jets to investigate. Nothing is found. When Mitch returns to base, army officials are furious with him. Eventually they start to take him seriously after planes start to disappear.

The reason: a bird, “a bird as big as a battleship,” has been devouring plane after plane and their crews. This giant bird is from outer space and is even equipped with a force shield! Now it’s up to Mitch, his mathematician girlfriend, and the military to stop the winged horror! Mitch finds the bird’s giant egg and shoots it full of holes. This enrages the creature and it heads right towards New York City. Mitch and some scientists create some sort of anti-matter ray gun to stop the menace. In case anyone has yet to see this film, I wont give away the ending — BUT I will say it’s nothing short of hilarious. At one point in the film, the Giant Claw destroys major buildings in New York.

It’s a film worth watching. Many horror hosts of the 70’s would play this film quite a bit. And the bird itself looks like Warner Bros. cartoon character Beaky Buzzard. Yes, it looks that bad, but I would give it a 5 out of 10 for bad one-liners and even a space ship can be seen in the distance (stock footage from Earth vs. the Flying Saucers was even used!). Give it a watch — after all, it’s not a long film, and who wouldn’t wanna see one of the worst monster films ever made??!!

Well, see ya next time at the drive-ins! This is misfit boy and I’m out!

Days of the Drive-Ins

The drive in days are long gone (well most of them anyway). I used to love going on the weekend to see some of my favorite horror films. Unfortunately not many were shown at the nearest one by me. I always wondered how great it would be to raise some money & show a “movie madness” night. Imagine going to see Night of the Living Dead and Dawn of the Dead at the drive-in! Or even older horror films from the 50’s. well, those are the films I will be talking about. We’re going back in time when CGI had no definition. Special effects consisted of wires, puppets, and of course cheap makeup. But to me, those were the best.

I’m so nostalgic a person (I know this sounds dumb) I would take a drive-in DVD I have with a bunch of promos that they would show in the good old days, and I would splice it together with some of my favorite b-movies, take my equipment outside and watch some movies under the stars with my favorite beer. Sounds like a waste of time but it still gave me that feeling of being there. Anyway, I asked some people in the ages of 50-65 what their favorite horror films were at the drive-ins. NOTLD always came up, and everyone and their mother have reviewed it already. But I have found some good ones and some not so good ones that still have a place in my heart.

So with that, here are some of the films that were mentioned to me that I will re-watch and review.

THE GIANT CLAW
TARANTULA
THE DEADLY MANTIS
CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON (in 3-D)
THE GIANT BEHEMOTH
GODZILLA

And possibly some others. As always a special thanks goes out to Corey for allowing me to do this. See you at the driveiins!!

misfitboy

But I really had no idea what I would be subjecting myself to. This movie was so bad that I couldn’t finish it, despite the fact that we get 2 kills in the first 5 minutes. I’ll give this a very generous 1/10.

Thank you to @thedarkhours on Twitter, who reportedly scored this article from @MikeCadaverLab.

To summarize, Dangerous Jamie wrote an open letter to Gorezone Magazine, respectfully criticizing their lack of proofreading and their continuous exploitation of women. Since then, Gorezone has threatened the author with legal action (calling the article “slander”) and has sent scores of its “faithful” readers to comment. The comments attack Dangerous Jamie personally, and are threatening. Gorezone readers have promised to spam the site until it crashes. The editor himself has commented (various spelling/grammar errors blemish his post), and he behaves just as ridiculously.

He posted his email address, so if you feel like you want to respond to Gorezone’s unacceptable actions, feel free to email him (I have): b.hammond@gorezone.co.uk

I’m not surprised. This has been my experience with so much of the “horror community” since I’ve become more and more involved in it in the past three years or so. “Horror fans” (many of whom often consider themselves to be the be-all-end-all of horror) who write, publish, blog, podcast, or whatever, tend to be hyper sensitive when it comes to criticisms about their own product, taking anything other than “Great job!” as a personal attack. And “horror fans” who religiously cling to some figure in horror — whether it’s an actor, director, magazine, podcast, blog, or whatever — also take criticism toward their beloved figure as a direct, personal attack (under the guise of being “loyal” or “faithful”). These people are no different than the terrorists who carry out actions because of their loyalty to Al Qaeda. That’s right.

I hold some pretty unpopular opinions. There have been times when I’ve expressed them — respectfully, thoughtfully, and without namecalling/attacking/etc. — and I am mobbed by angry Internet people who hold a different opinion, and don’t think that I am entitled to mine. It’s happened time and time again — I’ve experienced it directly.

It’s sad. Diversity of opinions is a wonderful, healthy thing to have. Yes, some people are right and some are wrong, but when respectful debate rots away to attacks, namecalling and threats, it’s out of hand.

The “horror community” already has enough negative stigma attached to it — everyone knows that. And things like this do nothing to clean up that image.

And while you’re there, check out all the other great stuff Melzer has to offer. It’s well worth your time.

http://jamesmelzer.net/2010/02/unleashed-ep-12-peter-clines/

A LONG, LONG, TIME AGO… IN A GALAXY FAR, FAR AWAY . . . George A. Romero and George Lucas intertwined like a bastardized Siamese twin. (Well, not really but if they did) the result would be STAR WARS – DEATH TROOPERS.

First off, I am a fan of the original Star Wars films but I have to admit, I was not a big enough fan to read all the books that followed the first 3 films. I first heard about this book on the Midnight Podcast and to be honest it didn’t really peak my interest much (big mistake on my part.) I read some reviews and a lot of people were saying “Oh, it’s not Star Wars, it’s too violent and gory for this type of book. Now that peaked my interest. So I was fortunate to stumble across the audio book. I was NOT disappointed! Zombies and Star Wars? I’m on board!

No Luke Skywalker or jedis in this book — as a matter of fact the only original characters in this book are Han Solo and his faithful sidekick Chewbacca. There are references to Darth Vader from time to time but that’s about it. My thoughts on that: “Who cares?” This book is a classic horror novel that peaks your interest around chapter 8, grips your ears and does not let go until the end! Anyway, the story.

2 teenage brothers, a female doctor, 2 smugglers and a sadistic imperial guard are on board the “Purge,” a prison vessel carrying the scum of the galaxy. It has thruster problems and is in need of desperate repairs. Out in space not far away is an abandoned star destroyer. A group is formed to board the vessel for much-needed parts for immediate repairs. There is no sign of life on board. While searching the vessel one soldier sees something on board but never gets the chance to tell anyone about it. Eventually on their return to the Purge it becomes clear that there was something on board, a deadly virus that the empire had been working on for some time that wiped out the entire crew of the destroyer. On their return to the purge, some of the men start coughing and become ill. Within hours the virus spreads throughout the ship infecting all species on board. Now, there is a slow build of characters at the beginning but that’s to be expected. Only a few are immune to the virus, and soon guards and prisoners start dying off quickly. The 2 teenage brothers are in a cell and are released by a guard who feels sorry for them due to their age. He dies shortly after. Dead bodies litter the ship, and it’s described in gruesome fashion at times. Eventually the bodies disappear. But not for long. The brothers make it to solitary confinement where they meet Han and Chewie. At this point death is just the beginning. The dead soldiers and prisoners come back to life hungry for flesh. And the battle for survival begins.

Now I don’t want to give too much away and ruin such a well-written story. But I will say the zombies in the book are like the ones in Land of the Dead. Eventually they start to learn, as in using weapons, climbing, etc. Don’t let this turn you off in any way! It really works for the book. Now my only problem with it is the end is a little weak, but when the dead eat people, it is described if full gory detail.

I really enjoyed this book. If you can find the audio book, it’s packed with great sound effects, ships soaring through space, blasters, etc. I would recommend the audio book with high ratings. It helps to picture a film inside your head and almost makes you feel like you’re on board with the survivors! So if I were to rate this from 1 to 10 I would have to give it a high 8. Thanks to Corey goes out (as always) for letting me ramble about one more little gem I came across. This is misfit boy and I’m out!

Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer (2007)
I probably wouldn’t have given this one a chance if it weren’t for the bubbly exciting review given by my friends on the Horror Etc. podcast.

White Zombie (1932)
I’ve seen this one many times. It’s the only zombie movie I’ve watched lately, and it’s one of the best.

Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus (2009)
Well, I watched most of this. However, the antics of confused, irate podcasters interrupted my viewing of this fine film. But I’m pretty sure I got the gist of what this one has to offer. To be fair, I’ll probably give it another shot.

Phantasm (1979)
Love this movie. Quite possibly the best plot ever. People call this a zombie movie, but I disagree — despite the fact that zombies are in it. Just because zombies appear in the movie, it doesn’t mean that it’s a zombie movie.

Drag Me To Hell (2009)
I finally saw this one. To be honest, I saw the TV trailers before it came out, and although I was excited that it was Sam Raimi, I wasn’t excited about what I saw. To me, it was just a lot of CG. However, I followed the rave reviews I’ve heard about it, and just bought the DVD. I’m glad I did.

Let the Right One In (2008)
One of my favorite vampire movies ever. I bought this DVD at the same time I bought Drag Me To Hell, at the recommendation of KruegerDude.

Them! (1954)
It was on Netflix Instant Watch, so I watched it. I love movies about giant creatures from this era, and these giant ants are classic.

I spent the entire day yesterday at Horror Realm in Pittsburgh. Ideally, I would have spent the whole weekend there, but alas, the demands of everyday life limited my stay to Saturday.

I was there nearly 12 hours, and still didn’t do everything and talk to everybody that I wanted to. At least I did a lot better than I did at Zombie Fest last year — I only had a couple hours to spend there, and only talked to a handful of people.

The high point of the day for me was the panel with Ken Foree. That man can talk! And it was fantastic. The hour had flown by, and Ken was only warming up. As we were all sitting around bullshitting later that night, we all agreed that Ken Foree is PIMP. I’ll be replaying his highly entertaining panel on the Midnight Podcast soon.

Ken Foree is PIMP

Other big names in the horror industry that I got to talk to were Tony Todd, Bill Moseley, and Leslie Easterbrook, who all were kind enough to talk for the Midnight Podcast. Ken Foree was incredibly interesting and creative as usual; Tony Todd was thrilled to hear I’m from Erie (he has lots of ties there); Bill Moseley revealed to me that he’s done several CD’s with Buckethead; and Leslie Easterbrook was sweet and beautiful.

Bill Moseley

It was great to meet a lot of the people that I’ve come to know in the horror community online. This includes the legendary Dr. Pus, who held the absolute coolest podcasting session ever. He recorded a spontaneous segment for Library of the Living Dead, harrassing various guests such as David Dunwoody, Rob Fox and yours truly. The whole corner was going nuts!

Dr. Pus and The Dunwoody

Podcasting with Dr. Pus

Everybody was extremely cool. I hung around most with author Eric S. Brown, who is just as cool in person as he is over the phone. I also hung with author/podcaster James Melzer, who treated me to a satisfying Canadian beer. Stephen A. North is a teddy bear, and a true gentleman. Rhiannon Frater, Rob Fox, Scott Johnson, ZA Recht, JL Bourne, SG Browne, Robert R. Best (along with his wonderful wife Laura), and David Dunwoody were other fantastic people I got to meet and talk to.

Stephen A. North and David Dunwoody

Of course, a lot of zombies and characters from Dawn of the Dead (1978) were around, and they were buckets of fun to talk to. The most common thing that I heard from them is how much they’re amazed that after over 30 years, they are still known for Dawn, and have incredible fans. Frank Serrao (gray suit zombie), Nick Tallo (biker raider), Joe Shelby (biker raider/Martinez), Shanon Ceccatti (nurse zombie), Leonard Lies (machete zombie), Jim Krut (helicopter zombie), and, of course, Ken Foree.

Sharon Ceccatti (nurse zombie)

Frank Serrao (gray suit zombie)

Nick Tallo

And then there were us podcasters. Along with Library of the Living Dead and James Melzer’s Unleashed, I met up with members of Don’t Look in the Podcast, the Funky Werepig and Gutmunchers. All wonderful!

And I was just as happy to see Midnight Podcast listeners Florida Possum and Zombie Farmer! They made an obscenely long journey to the Zombie Capital of the World. Florida Possum was every bit as awesome as I thought, and Zombie Farmer was sweet and entertaining (to say the least). She certainly entertained Ken Foree during his panel discussion as she developed a case of loud hiccups. Ken totally called her out on it.

The whole thing was fantastic. My only regrets: 1) not being able to be there for Friday or Sunday (reliable sources tell me Tom Savini showed up Friday night, talking to fans and browsing the laserdiscs), and 2) having not talked to the likes of Jonathan Maberry, Travis Adkins, Kim Paffenroth, and Tiffany Shepis (although she was certainly noticed).

Funny story about Ms. Shepis: a whole group of us were outside talking and drinking beers, and Tiffany strolls up to us. “You look like a big group of alcoholics,” she said. “Where is the stairway to the liquor store?” She was under the impression that the hotel had some kind of hidden stairway to the liquor store. WTF?

UPDATE: Nick Tallo sent me a VERY angry comment on this blog, calling me names like “idiot” and “dickhead” because I got his name mixed up with Joe Shelby. I apologized for this, but I no longer am a fan of Mr. Tallo because of his outburst toward me. A simple, “Hey, you got your names mixed up . . .” and an explanation would have been wonderful, but he resorted to name-calling and generally making himself look like a fool. Do not support Nick Tallo — I just lost all respect for this man.

But then I was treated to Lovecraft: Fear of the Unknown, a fantastic documentary about HP Lovecraft featuring interviews with Guillermo Del Toro, John Carpenter, Neil Gaiman, and a ton of other well-know horror people. I haven’t read Lovecraft for a long, long time, and now I want to go out and read a whole bunch of it.

The other highlight of the day was meeting and talking with Kane Hodder, the actor to best portray Jason Vorhees. He is one huge fella, and very personable. He even was so kind as to do an interview for the Midnight Podcast, in which he expressed what I have been hoping to verify all along: that Jason is in fact a zombie. The interview, along with all the others, will be featured on episode 106 of the Midnight Podcast next week.

Of course, I had to meet and hang out with Chainsaw Sally. Her husband, who is also the director of Chainsaw Sally, was there with her, and snapped the picture you see here. Very nice people.

I may stop by the festival once more tomorrow to stop and say hello to the Rue Morgue magazine people. Their table was very crowded today as I passed by it, and I was getting hungry, so I didn’t have the patience to wait around.

First off, I’m really happy that I finally scored a copy of The Video Dead, a movie that I’ve been attempting to track down for a long time now. One of the DVD vendors had it, and explained that it’s out of print and only exists on VHS and VHS-to-DVD transfers. He also had Porn of the Dead, and while I usually jump at the chance of watching any zombie movie I find, I passed on this one. The vendor was a really cool guy, and we talked zombies for quite a while before I moved along to the celebrity section.

Sid Haig was the first celebrity I talked to. He was very nice, but seemed tired. I did an interview with him for the Midnight Podcast in which he was a little less than enthusiastic, but cool nonetheless. I found out he’s seriously running for president. If I were a voter, I’d vote for him, no doubt. After that, I strolled around a while longer then left.

This afternoon, I went back and talked to Gunnar Hansen. He’s an intimidating man — large in stature and doesn’t smile much. But he’s very cool too. His interview for the podcast was definitely fun.

But the man I enjoyed talking with was Ed Neal. This guy is a character. He’s a lot of fun, constantly cracking jokes and very animated. I had a blast doing the interview — we could have gone on and on, but a crowd was gathering to talk to him, so I cut the interview short and let him carry on with his thing.

Hopefully some of the other guys I want to talk to show up this weekend — namely Kane Hodder and Tony Moran, who were nowhere to be seen so far. I also wouldn’t mind talking to Chainsaw Sally and Rodrigo from Rue Morge magazine. We’ll see.

What you see here is Mr. Fudgie Fudge. He’s the mascot for a local fudge maker, and they run commercials on the local stations. It features a weird theme song . . . “Mr. Fudgie Fudge is the one I want, Mr. Fudgie Fudge is the one I crave, Mr. Fudgie Fudge is what I want, Mr. Fudgie Fudge is all the rage, it’s the best fudge, ’cause Mr. Fudgie Fudge is made fresh every day.”

I’ve tried the fudge, and have to admit it’s pretty good. But the mascot frightens the hell out of me. Like he’s going to get me alone and do something terrible to me.

So I’m glad I never purchased the box set that they put out not long ago. I feel bad for the people who did – my friends Kingstown Ted and Tony over at the Horror Etc. Podcast for one. But I’m sure they’re ecstatic about this news.

I just can’t wait for new scenes of bloody slasher goodness!