If you’ve been following me on Twitter, I’ve been talking about the new video camera I got. Now I have no excuse not to make some sort of a movie. Not only that, but I’ve challenged myself to do the whole thing entirely on my own: I will write the script, star in every role, direct, shoot, light, edit, etc . . .

Sounds easy.

I’m vlogging about it on Youtube, and the introductory clip was just posted today. Have a look . . . buy the ticket . . . take the ride.

For the better part of a decade now, I’ve been working on a series of songs based on Zombi 2. There are several of these written and recorded in many forms, but I’m not finished yet.

This is a song about Susan. I originally wrote it faster and heavier, but was never really happy with the arrangement and my vocals. It kinda sucks. So I reworked the whole song, and even made a little video to go along with it that follows the story.

My friend Roger Ma from the Zombie Combat Club sent me his new book, The Zombie Combat Manual: A Guide to Fighting the Living Dead. And I’ve happened to see it on the shelves of Borders and at Amazon.com, which is very cool.

I love this book. It’s a comprehensive, entertaining guide for zombie fighting, written in a military style. In this well-organized and well-written manual, Ma covers everything you need to know about fighting the living dead, complete with helpful illustrations and “Combat Reports” — interviews and accounts of encounters with zombies. It’s a great blend of straightforward instruction and short storytelling.

The first section covers the facts about zombies: what they are, what they aren’t, and how they function. I was particularly thrilled with the first misconception discussed: that zombies can run.

Next, the focus is turned to those fighting the zombies. Physical fitness, health and wellness are discussed in terms of zombie combat, so that those confronting the living dead can prepare as much as possible. A lot of time is spent on weapons of all kinds — traditional battle weapons, swords, knives, blades, clubs, etc. — as well as weapons that can be found in certain settings: the farm, the garage, the kitchen, and more.

Ma brings it all together with the final section, Combat Strategies and Techniques. Your chances of success in a skirmish with the undead will soar as all kinds of techniques and situations are covered.

“For those who have never encountered a walking cadaver, the techniques described in this section may seem vicious, brutal, perhaps even excessive and gratuitous.”

Of course, the humor is implicit. The straightforward, deadpan delivery of the manual and conversational tones of the Combat Reports are inherently funny when the subject is zombies.

It’s a great read. Roger Ma’s zombie knowledge is unparallelled, and I can only hope to have him at my side during the next zombie outbreak. Go buy The Zombie Combat Manual right now.

Rating: 10/10

I love independent zombie movies — they’ve been slaying their big-budget Hollywood counterparts for years now. Bled White (2009) caught my attention during its production, and the good people at CU There Productions sent a DVD over for me to check out.

Bled White web site

The movie takes place after the zombie apocalypse has struck, and what’s left of society is reordering itself to deal with the flesh-hungry “zombies.” People are doing whatever it takes to survive, and we follow several plot lines that intertwine. We follow two hit men, a family, and a couple running a hotel. The scenes aren’t necessarily chronological, creating a darker kind of Pulp Fiction feel. Things happen at the beginning of the movie that don’t quite make sense until it’s connected to something else later on.

The filmmakers explore some interesting territory and have come up with some original ideas — a big plus in my book. We see the conflict between those who believe in “killing” the zombies and those who want to them” live” in hopes of a cure being discovered. Themes of cannibalism, cheating, and survival vs. killing are also in the mix.

The characters are pretty nicely developed, and the actors perform much better than I was hoping for. Some are excellent (the lead hit men), some are mediocre, but none are bad.

On a technical level, they did a great job with a low budget. The whole movie is high-contrast, allowing for a lot of lights and shadows. They managed to film the whole thing during the winter, something not often seen in zombie movies. It works really well. Overall, the shot selection and cinematography were well done. The suspense they’ve created is wonderful. The editing and pacing, along with the good score and sound effects, make for great atmosphere.

Now for the zombies. Even though they run, they look good: pale with lots of blood and light blue cloudy eyes. The makeup is good — they must have spent a fortune in blue contacts. Nothing looked fake. However, the zombies growl and roar and sound demonic — a little too over-the-top for me. This could have been just as scary (probably scarier) with slow zombies.

The effects were good, and they kept it mostly practical. They used some digital effects — fire, gunshot flares, clouds going over the moon, etc. — but they don’t overindulge in digital effects like a lot of low-budget movies tend to do.

All in all, this is a very good low-budget movie — fun and gory. Also a breath of fresh air in the over-saturated zombie movie market.

Rating: 7/10

I’m very proud to announce the release of Dark, a horror anthology. It features a short story, “Redemption,” by yours truly. And there are a lot of other authors in the book whom I’m honored to be alongside.

Order your copy from CreateSpace or Amazon, or check out the official web site.

This year’s Cinema Wasteland just outside of Cleveland was the first one I’ve ever been to. I was really impressed with both the guests and the crowd — everyone was great.

A special thanks to Jason from SRS Cinema for really hooking me up this weekend! It was great to meet and hang out with him.

Kyra Schon was the first guest I talked to, and she was really nice. She was selling really cool, high-contrast Karen Cooper  posters, and I couldn’t resist picking one up.

Howard Sherman played my favorite zombie: Bub from Day of the Dead (1985). Great guy!

Ian McCulloch was the lead actor in Zombie (1979), and is completely astonished by the popularity of the movie. One thing that surprised me about Mr. McCulloch is that he told me he’s never seen any of Romero’s zombie movies — he said he just doesn’t have the desire to. He also told me that he met Romero recently, and Romero refuses to watch Zombie (or any of its sequels) because he thinks they’re all ripoffs of his work.

Al Cliver played Brian in Zombie. I learned some fascinating things from Mr. Cliver — namely that Brian’s voice in Zombie is not his. All his lines were overdubbed, and he doesn’t know who did them. Also, I asked him what it was like to work with Lucio Fulci. He responded, “He was a son of a bitch.” He explained that despite Fulci’s reported temperament, they became good friends and made many films together.

You know who Ottaviano Dell’Acqua is, whether you realize it or not. He’s the iconic Conquistador zombie that appears on the majority of Zombie materials (including my shirt). He was a really fun guy, and very energetic.

I also talked with Richard Johnson, who was really cool. For some reason I didn’t think to snap a picture with him. I love his first line in Zombie: “The boat can leave now. Tell the crew.”

Beatrice Ring played the lead role in Zombi 3 (1988), and is every bit as beautiful as she was when she made the movie. Zombie 3 is notorious for the nightmarish production it went through — Lucio Fulci directed most of it, but later on, Bruno Mattei stepped in to finish it at the insistence of the studio. I asked Beatrice about how crazy the process was, and she said that it wasn’t as big a deal as everyone makes it out to be. She worked with Fulci the whole time, and wasn’t even aware of Mattei’s part in it. “It happens all the time, in lots of movies,” she explained when she talked about reshoots and studios bringing in a different director to finish a film.

When I was at Horror Realm last fall, I somehow missed speaking with Jim Krut, the helicopter zombie from Dawn of the Dead (1978). So I made sure that I got to meet him this time around, and I’m glad I did. He’s very tall, and fun to talk to.

Gary Ugarek is the creator of Deadlands: The Rising and Deadlands 2: Trapped, and was there to support Jim Krut, who also starred in Deadlands 2. I ended up talking to Gary for a long time, and he’s a really down-to-earth guy.

This is the second time I’ve met Tom Savini. I’m a huge fan of his work, and he’s truly a master of what he does. Despite that, I haven’t been very impressed with him personally. Both times I’ve talked to him, he seems annoyed that I’m there — it’s like he doesn’t want to be there at all. Disappointing.

It was a blast hanging out with Tom Berdinski and the cast/crew from The Italian Zombie Movie. Tom is a good friend, and I was excited to meet him and others whose passion went into these unforgettable films. They truly know how to have a good time. And if you haven’t seen parts 1 and 2 of The Italian Zombie Movie, you’re definitely missing out on something special — so go buy it!

Speaking of good friends, here’s one that you’ll all know — Misfitboy. He’s every bit as cool as he comes across in his reviews, and I was honored to hang out and have a few drinks with him and Mrs. Misfitboy.

This double 8-string electric guitar made specially for Saw V is a thing of beauty. It belongs to Sonny Lombardozzi, whose shredding skills are inhuman. He’s a really cool guy, and now that I’ve checked out his music, I’m a huge fan! Find out more about Sonny at his web site.

I almost had my jugular ripped out.

What happens at Cinema Wasteland stays at Cinema Wasteland.

My first review ever was for a local access horror show about 6 years ago. It was called “The Death of the Drive-In’s.” When I watched the show one night I was shocked to find the two hosts were going to read my review on the air! It was about the drive-in era dying out like a plague sweeping across the country. Everywhere you went (in Ohio alone), For Sale signs were all over the once majestic, towering screens that used to show some of the greatest films of our time. One in particular was the Memphis drive-in, one of the most popular ones in Ohio. It was so popular that people tried to get a petition going to make it a historical site. It never happened. So the “drive-in plague,” as I refer to it, continues. And why, you may ask? Well, mostly because the use of the film costs money, and in order to turn a profit, drive-ins rely on concession stands besides ticket purchases. Today, with movies costing in the millions to make, the price goes up. A drive-in by me did a smart thing and charged $5 to bring your own food, generating a little more profit, which in turn keeps it running to this day.

Okay, enough history lessons — let’s get to the plot. By the way, the 3D version of Creature from the Black Lagoon is amazing if you can find it. It does have great underwater effects! A large explosion is seen as a narrator gives a short speech on earth. The film then shows a beach with strange footprints coming out of the water. The waves slowly wash over them, leaving the viewer the obvious question: what was it?

Meanwhile, scientists are digging into a wall of dirt and rock, uncovering an odd-looking skeletal hand. Later that night, two men are wakened in their tent by a monstrous shadow. The thing tears down the tent, slashes one man with a sharp claw, and kills both of them. The skeletal claw is sent to a lab so it can be determined what species it is from. Dr. Carl Maia, who discovered the hand, assembles a crew of scientists to find more fossils in the “black lagoon.” Among the crew are Dr. David Reed, Kay Laurence, Dr. Mark Williams and Dr. Edwin Thompson. They board the boat, the “Rita,” driven by Lucas, who tells them a tale of “gill-man,” a legendary creature who, millions of years ago, may have been a throwback to the human and amphibious race — a cross-breed, if you will. It is then we get our first glimpse of the creature, coming up from the lagoon to grab a large bird and pull it down to the deep lagoon.

It soon becomes apparent that the legend is real and two battles begin. One is for the capture of the creature for study purposes, or to let it stay in its natural environment. Second is the ever-famous battle for the love of a woman (Kay), which was common in these types of films. In a brilliant scene, Kay goes for a swim in the lagoon. The creature sees her and has never witnessed such beauty before, swimming inches away from her, slightly grazing her leg, wondering what she is. Kay panics and gets out of the water. The gill-man then begins his pursue of Kay by jumping onto the boat and causing chaos.

Eventually it is decided that the scientists will use rotenone (a drug that is used to capture fish). Then they put the creature in a cage, but unfortunately it doesn’t hold the beast for long. The creature breaks out and seriously injures Dr Thompson. Lucas thinks it’s time to leave the cursed lagoon, but cannot, because the creature has blocked off the only exit with giant logs. Williams decides to go underwater to try to remove the debris, but is confronted by the gill-man and is killed. Using the rotenone on the creature gives Dr. Reed enough time to remove the barricade created by the gill-man. Later that night, the gill-man comes on board, kidnapping Kay and taking her to his cave somewhere within the lagoon. Yes, its’ like King Kong underwater, but I’m fine with that! The rest of the team manages to find the gill-man’s subterranean lair, and after a brief fight the creature is shot and falls into the darkest depths of the lagoon.

This is without a doubt my favorite Universal monster film, and seeing it in the 3D form (the way it was introduced to American audiences) was amazing, especially the underwater shots! Ben Chapman, who played the creature, would have to hold his breath for over a minute in some scenes.

On a scale from 1-10, Creature from the Black Lagoon is a perfect 10! If you should happen to want to buy the movie, I would recommend the legacy collection. It comes with all three creature films, several documentaries, anda lot of other photos, trailers, etc. You can get it at Amazon.com for around $20 — a steal in my book.

Well, that’s it for this time around. Once again, thanks to Corey for allowing me to continue reviewing some of the drive-in classics! See you at the drive-ins! This is Misfit boy and I’m out!

I just spent some time at Niagara Falls, Canada. It was the perfect time of year to go: the weather was cool and comfortable, and very few other people roamed around. I was amazed at the number of head shops.

I learned something funny from the girl who worked at Burger King on Clifton Hill, the main tourist drag leading to the falls. This was the coolest Burger King I’ve ever been to — nothing special about the inside, but the outside featured a giant Frankenstein monster clutching a burger.

Since American dollars and Canadian dollars are so close in value right now, it’s not really worth doing the currency exchange thing. Every place we spent money at in Canada accepted American dollars, and gave change in Canadian dollars. The girl who helped us at Burger King was thrilled when I happily accepted Canadian dollars as change. She told us that Americans get upset all the time about having to accept Canadian money, calling it “fake” or “monopoly money.” She seemed genuinely offended at this.

What I took away from my trip to Canada is this: you gotta respect their cash.

I knew something was wrong with the cat when her meows sounded more like howls. The day was late and projects still filled my email inbox, but the cat’s tortured cries snatched my attention away from work.

I saved my progress on the computer and went downstairs. Evening had already come, and I desperately wanted to focus on my work – I needed to get ahead so I could justify leaving town for a couple days to visit my brother in the next state.

I figured the cat had eaten something she shouldn’t have. A year ago, I brought a new plant to the house, unaware that it was poisonous to cats. She chewed on a stalk of it and spent the night at the animal hospital. All I could hope for this time was that she wouldn’t throw up on the carpet – that was horrible to clean up.

Rounding the corner to the kitchen, I stopped when I saw her white and gray stripes in the middle of the room. She buried her face in the rug under the table, her sides pumping in and out as her breathing accelerated.

Crouching down, I whistled to her. “Jasmine, come here girl.”

She took no notice, letting out another pitiful moan.

I whistled again with the same result. I moved closer to her, but hesitated – Jasmine could get downright vicious when feeling threatened, annoyed, or sick. One second she’d be purring on your lap, and the next she’d tear into your arm with her teeth. The scars on my hands were a testament to the battles we’d fought.

This was one of those situations: she didn’t want to be bothered. But I reached for her anyway, wanting to move her off of the rug. She spun around, baring her teeth in a wide-eyed hiss, the hair on her back standing on end. I flinched at the wild look – I’d never seen her that angry before.

That’s when I began to think I had lost my mind. Too much work that week; too many long days; not nearly enough sleep.

The cat grew. Jasmine had weighed a healthy ten pounds, but her size more than doubled right in front of me. Joints popped and bones adjusted to accommodate her new girth. Her ears grew longer, and two small bloody horns erupted from her forehead. New teeth pushed through her gums and her jaw expanded to accommodate them, creating a jagged smile. Another more menacing hiss escaped as her mouth opened wider.

Her toes cracked as giant claws grew into place, burrowing into the thick brown rug. Her tail lengthened, swatting the chairs from under the table.

Terror clutched me – it was hard to breathe. Jasmine’s eyes expanded, then went completely black: shark eyes. They were eyes that held nothing, pulling me in. My heart thumped and blood pounded into my head. I fought to take a breath, weakened at the sight of Jasmine’s transformation, all of which had happened within a few seconds.

She hunched down. I threw my arms up in front of me as Jasmine launched, baring her teeth and drawing up her claws. I ducked, swatting her to the side and somehow avoiding her swinging nails. The cat-thing sprang back to its feet and lay its ears back, arching its back for another attack.

On my hands and knees, I scooted around the island in the middle of the kitchen, out of Jasmine’s sight. Her claws clicked off the tile as she followed, her distorted shadow slinking along the tile. I suddenly jumped to my feet and ran. Jasmine hissed and spat.

She caught up with me on the stairs, slicing the back of my heel with her claw. I felt the blood trickling down my foot as I dived into my office, slamming the door behind me. Jasmine hit the door so hard that a tall lamp in the corner tipped over, knocking a picture off the wall. It snapped apart when it hit the floor, cracking the glass.

I cursed, locking the door and collapsing into the soft desk chair. In the darkness I noticed small dark blotches on the carpet – blood from my foot. The door thudded again and I flinched, shaking. Jasmine screeched, shaking the walls with every assault on the door.

The only escape was through the window. The desk blocked it, and I had to awkwardly bend over it to slide the glass up. A rush of frigid winter air smacked my face. As thud after booming thud began to crack the door, I worked the screen loose and shoved it out.

The second floor window was about twelve feet up from the snow-dusted ground. Only in my pajama pants, t-shirt and socks, I crawled over the desk, sending pens, paper, and folders all over the floor. I shifted around and stuck my feet out, desperately grasping for the edge as I slid through.

The door burst open and Jasmine howled, crashing into the room. My fingers slipped from the edge of the window and I fell, slamming to the frozen ground feet-first. My lower legs exploded with pain – there wasn’t enough snow on the ground to break the fall. Gritting my teeth, I rolled over and rose up onto my throbbing legs.

Voices. I couldn’t understand what they said, but they sounded like they came from the front of the neighbors’ house. I moved my stiffening legs as fast as I could, clenching my jaw as the pain welled up, hearing the clicking of the Jasmine-beast as she came to the open window above.

I didn’t look back, pushing off the corner of my house and hobbling over to the neighbors’. Rounding the front of the house, I stopped and breathed in relief when I saw them. Marcus and his wife Summer stood in their driveway, silhouetted by the single light fixture on the garage.

The pain was too much for me and my knees buckled. I groaned when my legs struck the hard turf, and I fell backwards into the drifted snow.

Marcus calmly made his way over to me. He crouched down.

Engulfed in pain, I thrust a hand to him, gasping for his help. He moved closer, bringing his face down to mine.

His features came into clear view, even in the darkness. Inches from me, he opened his mouth to reveal oozing, jagged teeth. Bones creaked as he smiled.

Seconds before I died, I caught a glimpse of his eyes – black shark eyes. They captured my gaze as Marcus slashed my throat with his thick, pointed nails. A jet of blood splashed onto his face, wrinkled and distorted from its former youthful appearance. Summer appeared as I blacked out, a lurking shadow behind Marcus. They tore into me.

There is an old urban legend that says “if you kill a praying mantis you can be fined up to $50.” But what if the mantis is bigger than a 2-story house? Well, that’s what’s at the drive-in this week as we dive into Universal’s The Deadly Mantis (1957). One neat little fact about the film is that the actor who did the voice for the famous “Robby the Robot” narrates the film. Now at first you might think that this movie is a documentary from 5th grade science class. At certain parts of this film, you’re not sure if you’re watching a b-movie or getting an education! I mean, this goes on for the first 12 minutes into the picture! (insert more stock footage for plot holes). I would personally recommend the MST3K version of this film for the simple fact that Mike and the “bots” really tear this movie to pieces!

So here is the plot. “For every action there is an equal and opposite re-action,” narrates the voice at the start of the film. A volcano erupts on a distant island and causes tremors across the North Pole, causing a giant glacier to crack and collapse, revealing our giant menace (yes, a giant insect in the North Pole — don’t ask, I don’t know either). OK, insert even more stock footage, and finally 15 or 16 minutes into the picture the film finally starts. On a small military station manned by two men, a distant buzzing sound is heard before the roof collapses on top of them. Meanwhile, Colonel Joe Parkman is worried that something is wrong with the station, so he sends out a search team. When they arrive they find the station is destroyed. A giant claw falls on top of them, nearly crushing the two searchers (he he, giant claw)! They take it back to the lab for investigation. After more [YAWN] chattering they finally figure out what it is! Yeah. They send out a plane to see if they can find it after it appears on the radar, and the plane never comes back. Surprise [insert more boring dialogue] and then the mantis finally strikes! OK, as if the poor Eskimos don’t have enough to deal with — polar bears, living in ice, gamera at one point (never vacation in the north pole) — the mantis attacks and the Eskimos flee.

The giant claw, as I referred to earlier, is actually a hook from the mantises giant pinchers. MORE DRAMA THAN THE MIDNIGHT PODCAST!!! Sorry Corey. Here comes the giant puppet! The mantis shows itself eventually right outside the base of Red Eagle One, as it’s referred to. Seeking a warmer climate, the mantis moves towards the USA. OK, enough already, the mantis tours Washington and New York, where it is rammed by Parkman and bails out of the plane at the last second — that was close! In the end, the mantis is trapped in a highway tunnel under the streets of New York!

Spoiler alert!! The mantis hides in the tunnels of New York, wounded and dying. Then the military comes in to gas the creature. The end.

On a scale from 1-10 I would give this a 4, BUT the MST3K version would be a 9! Go figure. Thanks Corey, and I’ll see you at the drive-ins for Creature from the Black Lagoon! This is misfit boy and I’m out!