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Corey Talking About More Things

February 7, 2014 | No comments | Posted in Funny, Video | Tags: , ,

Corey Talks About Things

I’ve posted a couple more random videos recently, and have recorded 2 more that are set to go out soon. I hope you enjoy!

While you’re at it, you could subscribe to my Youtube channel to keep up with all the things that I come up with. I’d appreciate it!

Talking about Toys

January 22, 2014 | No comments | Posted in Funny, Video | Tags: , ,

I posted a video last night that is outside my normal horror/music stuff, but fun nonetheless. Some weird toys I picked up at Ollie’s.

The Official Midnight Corey Garbage Pail Kid

May 27, 2012 | 2 comments | Posted in Funny | Tags:

I’m on this big nostalgic Garbage Pail Kid kick right now, and this is what I got for you.

Midnight Corey

The Most Interesting Trollhunter in the World

May 13, 2012 | No comments | Posted in Funny, Horror, Movies |

The Most Interesting Trollhunter in the WorldI was reviewing Trollhunter (2011) for an upcoming podcast, and the joke was made that Hans, the trollhunter in the movie, was basically the most interesting man in the world (the Dos Equis man). So I had to make this.

Zombie Max Bullets

February 2, 2012 | 2 comments | Posted in Funny, Horror, Zombies |

I just read about bullets specially manufactured and packaged for use on the undead.

No joke. While it’s basically a marketing ploy for the increasing number of zombie movie fans (and those convinced that the zombie uprising could actually happen), the bullets are live ammo, ready for use in a variety of firearms.

If you read to the end of the article, they mention that bullets intended to be fired on zombies causes a concern for people dressed in zombie costumes. I could totally see something very bad happening as a result.

Read the article at BlueRidgeNow.com»

Trespassers will be Eaten by Zombies

January 31, 2012 | No comments | Posted in Funny, Horror, Zombies |

I got this sweet rusted metal sign, perfect for displaying at my door to keep everyone else in the world out. They’re very reasonably priced, so check out what else is offered over at Zed’s Zombie Ranch.

White Van Speaker Scam – Again!

August 27, 2010 | No comments | Posted in Beer, Funny |

[ Here's my first white van speaker scam article ]

What a beginning to the weekend this has been! My Friday evening, which is usually peaceful and relaxing, was suddenly full of adventure and intrigue.

I’m having something of a party tomorrow night, and decided to go out for beer after dinner. I jumped in my car and headed to my favorite beer shop. I came out with armloads of Dogfish Head and Yuengling, eager to get back home and put it on ice. I inadvertently made a wise decision: to get all the beer warm.

I got in the car and the engine wouldn’t turn over. I just heard a clicking as the lights dimmed. And then my key wouldn’t come out of the ignition. I Googled the problem on my Blackberry, and based on some quick research, I concluded that the battery was dead. It was amazing to me that one moment, everything was fine, and the next moment, the battery kicked it.

I called my wife, asking her to bring jumper cables. I was tempted to drink a beer in the parking lot as I waited, but two things occurred to me: 1) the beer was warm, and 2) it may pose a legal issue, as open containers of alcohol in public places are frowned upon by the police.

When my wife arrived, I popped the hoods and began to work. I was horrified at the amount of corrosion on my battery terminals. It was like a cake decorator had gotten into the engine and coated my battery with multi-colored icing. But it smelled like rotten eggs, and smoked as I tried to jump the car.

In the middle of all this, a white van full of young hip dudes rolled up beside us. I was adjusting the jumper cables, and they rolled down their windows and told me about these sweet stereo systems they had in the back of the van, and that they were selling them off for cheap. They were very giggly.

“No way,” I said.

They sat there and insisted that I look at the speakers.

“I’m kinda busy here,” I said. “I’m trying to get my car jumped.”

They proceeded to make fun of me and cuss me out. Then they drove away. All I can say is that if your job is to drive around on a Friday night, scamming people and acting retarded, then you’re a pansy loser. How much do you make for giving up your evenings? Minimum wage? Maybe ten bucks an hour? Run along, kids. I’m going to relax while you work.

So I called the police after getting the license plate number. They transferred me to the State Police, who proceeded to be very rude with me, saying that they get calls about these people all the time, and that they are perfectly within their rights to sell their stuff.

You have to be kidding me! So, it’s perfectly fine to drive around with a load of cheap junk and sell them to suckers by telling them that you’re overstocked and just want to “unload” the speakers for cheap to make a quick buck since the boss screwed up. That’s perfectly legal, and has the blessing of the cops!

My guess is that the cops are getting paid off by these guys. That’s the only reasonable explanation for this.

So, I got the car started up — finally — and rolled over to Advance Auto, which was just across the street. These are the words of the man who changed my battery when he saw the obscene amount of corrosion on my battery: “Holy shit.”

He had never seen a battery that bad. I felt bad that he had to work so hard to clean up the mess and replace a lot of parts that had been eaten away; but at the same time I felt pretty cool that I brought them the worst-looking battery they’d ever seen.

Now it’s over and done with. I thwarted the white van speaker scam retards once again (this makes my 4th encounter — read about my first 3 here) and conquered the frightening situation of my car not starting.

And the weekend is just barely beginning. I’m a bit frightened now to think about what the party has in store for me tomorrow.

A Few Days in Canada

April 5, 2010 | 4 comments | Posted in Funny, Horror | Tags: , , ,

I just spent some time at Niagara Falls, Canada. It was the perfect time of year to go: the weather was cool and comfortable, and very few other people roamed around. I was amazed at the number of head shops.

I learned something funny from the girl who worked at Burger King on Clifton Hill, the main tourist drag leading to the falls. This was the coolest Burger King I’ve ever been to — nothing special about the inside, but the outside featured a giant Frankenstein monster clutching a burger.

frankenburger

Since American dollars and Canadian dollars are so close in value right now, it’s not really worth doing the currency exchange thing. Every place we spent money at in Canada accepted American dollars, and gave change in Canadian dollars. The girl who helped us at Burger King was thrilled when I happily accepted Canadian dollars as change. She told us that Americans get upset all the time about having to accept Canadian money, calling it “fake” or “monopoly money.” She seemed genuinely offended at this.

What I took away from my trip to Canada is this: you gotta respect their cash.

White Van Speaker Scam

April 2, 2010 | 7 comments | Posted in Funny | Tags: , , ,

Last night, I ended up reading a bunch of articles about the White Van Speaker Scam. It’s the one where a couple guys approach you about buying overstocked speakers from their van at a great price. They show you all kinds of brochures and magazines pricing their speakers in the thousands of dollars, and then see how much they can get out of you. The speakers are actually very poorly-made, and the guys have been hired to give this spiel to their targets as a way of selling inferior speakers. I have been approached by these shady people three times so far. The first time, I bought speakers from them. The other two times, things got weird.

1. The Sheetz parking lot, Kittanning, PA

This was probably around 1998. I was living in a very small apartment just across the alley from the Sheetz convenience store in Kittanning, PA. I was just getting something to eat there before I went to the bank to cash my paycheck. A young Asian guy came up to me and asked if I’d like to get some really awesome speakers for next to nothing. I checked them out; they were tall Dynalab speakers in impressive-looking packaging. He and the driver of the van showed me magazines that priced the speakers at $1299.

The warehouse overstocked his van, giving him 6 but only invoicing for 4, he said. He wanted to get rid of them before they got back to the warehouse, where they would have to return the speakers. So the Asian guy asked me for $600. I had nothing close to that amount of money available, going to college full-time and working part-time. All I could spare was $200, but only after I cashed my paycheck.

They agreed, giving me an invoice saying something about two speakers being paid for. They put the speakers in my trunk and followed me to the bank. I gave them the cash and split.

My plan was to sell the speakers and make a few bucks. I didn’t have Internet access at my place, so I went to my parents’ house and got online. I was unhappy to discover that Dynalab speakers were part of the White Van Speaker Scam. But I took out a free ad somewhere asking $600 for them. Never heard anything. I called the number on the invoice, which indicated that the company was based out of Export, PA. I got an answering machine, and I left a message, but never heard back.

So the speakers sat at my apartment for a couple weeks. One weekend, I had a bunch of people spend the night after my friend Tony’s wedding. One was a fraternity brother, and he was really interested in the speakers. He gave me cash down on them, and sent me the rest when he got back home. I made $100 bucks on them, and he kinda got screwed.

2. Parking lot at the Indiana University of Pennsylvania

This wasn’t long after the first encounter. I was commuting to the main campus of the Indiana University of Pennsylvania, and would often go back and forth to my car during the day. After my final class one day, a white van was prowling around the parking lot beside the football field where I had parked. When I neared, a man leaned out the passenger-side window — the Asian guy!

He asked if I wanted to look at some speakers, and I just shook my head and grinned. This pissed him off, and he scowled at me, flipping me off. I didn’t expect that! They drove away.

3. Millcreek Mall parking lot, Erie, PA

A couple years ago I came out of the mall and was about to get into my car. A white van pulled up to me, and a guy asked if I wanted to buy some speakers. Once again, I shook my head. “No,” I smiled.

When they drove away, I decided to take action. I followed their van in my car and called the police. I explained that I had been ripped off by guys like these, and that they approached me at the mall. The police said they wouldn’t do anything — basically blowing me off. The white van turned onto the interstate, and I just continued home.

What did I learn?

Why didn’t I think of this first?! Tricking people into buying crappy speakers out of a van for 2000% profit, with the blessing of the law enforcement. It’s amazing what people can get away with.

Update: Mr. Fudgie Fudge

March 26, 2010 | 5 comments | Posted in Funny |

You’ll remember my post about Mr. Fudgie Fudge. Even though he still frightens me beyond any horror movie, I continue to buy the fudge. I finally found the commercial, featuring the kick ass theme song.